“Fear of the unknown and fear of failure” uncomfortableness
It was raining and I was standing and waiting under the tin covered concrete paths that branch out to the various buildings that form the hospital. In order to get back to where we are staying, I have to walk out into the cold, wet, uncomfortable rain. Rain can last sometimes 10 minutes all the way up to several hours. I look up to the sky and try to get a feel for how much longer it will rain, but eventually, I know I must step out and just quickly walk/run to the next covered area. This time I couldn’t quite get myself to start running, I went upstairs and just waited.
The sound of big drops hitting the tin roofs across the Tenwek campus made me just want to get to my warm, comfortable and cozy apartment. But again, in order to get there, I had to run through the cold, wet rain. I walked around the hospital a bit more waiting and hoping the rain would stop, but the rain kept coming. I went to the 2nd floor and looked out across seeing mostly old rusty tin roofs. As I continued to wait for the rain to go away, I walked over to stand on the center, the heart of the Tenwek logo. While standing on the logo that was made up of the Kenya map and Tenwek hospital in the Southwest corner reminded me that I am exactly where I should be. As much as I wanted to be completely comfortable in my home, I still was kept comfortable by having a thin layer of tin roof protecting me from the cold, wet rain.
I think my life feels a bit like the rain falling around me, but yet I’m kept comfortable by a protective layer of being in the center of God’s will. I sometimes quickly walk/run place to place which is uncomfortable, but God gives me protection when and where I need it. After being here at Tenwek for over a week, I have moments of uncomfortableness. It is not the physical uncomfortableness that I’m talking about as most would think of when thinking of being in Africa; but, is what I would call the “fear of the unknown and fear of failure” uncomfortableness.
Dozens of both American and Kenyan doctors and surgeons are here at Tenwek. These incredible minds have come to be able to work in the “fear of the unknown and fear of failure” on a daily basis. Not having supplies when they are needed, not having the ability to control when the power goes on/off, not having the ability to completely control if and when a patient may have a surgical site infection and even the possibility of the patient not making it out alive are all things that these doctors and surgeons face every day. All of them get up every day and keep trying with the realization that their efforts may only save 1.
These doctors are living the in the midst of life’s uncomfortable rain and it is humbling to think of the possibility that our names are being called to help provide the love and support necessary to keep the heart of Tenwek going.